Q: How to control our emotions and feelings when it falls apart?
A: Well you accept, you have acknowledged there is a moment of falling apart, there’s a time that’s not falling apart, isn’t it? Yourself, you are saying “how to control our emotions and feelings when it falls apart?” If there’s an existence of falling apart, then there’s an existence of not falling apart. Right?
So, what do we do, during the time of not falling apart? Is the time that we have to practice. It’s the time. Meaning of practice, Dharma practice, practice means preparation, preparation, preparation, preparation. That’s the meaning of practice, right? Dharma practice means preparation, preparation, preparation, preparation.
Preparation to what? Preparation towards the challenges towards the reality, and we perceive the reality, and how we overcome the reality and how do we bring the balance towards it, and how we stick onto what is logic and reason, at the same time, having this continuation of peaceful state of mind, right?
So going back to your question “how to control our emotions and feelings when it falls apart?” you have acknowledged that it does fall apart. And also, if the existence of falling apart is something very logical, or that is bound to happen, then you also have a capacity to acknowledge that the state of the emotion when it doesn’t fall apart. That is when we have to practice Dharma. If you practice Dharma, or spirituality, or any sort of spirituality when everything is falling apart, then of course it is more or less not really helpful. So that’s something that you have to keep in your mind.
But then when I say you have to practice Dharma, it does not mean that you have to go out there, offer money, it doesn’t mean that you have to go out there and give your body and mind to everybody. It does not mean that you have to do hundreds and thousands of prostrations. It doesn’t mean that you have to go out there and receiving empowerment. It doesn’t mean that you have to invite somebody else to your home to make a prayers and pujas for you. It doesn’t mean none of that.
When I say practice, it means a sense of true reflection to oneself, how things are going currently in your life, and then bring it closer and closer and closer to yourself.
First you reflect the meaning of life, and then the reflection of “what is truly happening in my life?” and “what is really happening in my life?” Not “what he said or she said”. “What is really happening in my life?” And then you bring it closer. Then, “what is the influence in my mind?” “How I perceive this and that?” and then you bring it closer and closer, then “what is the state of the mind? What is the definition of the emotions?”
All these, when you have these analytical steps, make sure that you have a gentle attitude. Don’t have a harsh attitude, doesn’t work. Even it works, it doesn’t last long. So try to have a gentle approach. So that’s important.
Kalu Rinpoche
FB Livestream – 10 October 2021
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