May 17

Kalu Rinpoche | How to let go of someone

Q: Hey Rinpoche, how to let go of someone?

A: How to let go of someone… How to let go of someone…

The very existence of that person in your mind is, is an imagination and a hope that you tend to hold, and you are in a partial denial, not absolute denial, is but more to do with the partial denial of your current reality.

And unable to let go of that person is due to emotional attachment, not, not necessarily bad, not necessarily good either, but in order to overcome that is to have a clear understanding, thinking that “even this person exists in my life, with me, right now, one day that also will end, the life also will end, all life is impermanent, all life is impermanent”, you know. And then reflecting that meaning in your mind little bit.

Because the very existence of the attachment and the memory, that hold, is you are in a partial denial of the current reality that you are facing and then you are saying “I don’t want to let go of that person” subconsciously, and you are saying “I want my imagination, my hope, my dream, my desire to be fulfilled with that person, and that person with me”, you know, so that is in your mind subconsciously whether you are saying verbally or not.

In order to counter that, you need to remind yourself with the meaning of impermanence, not necessarily to do with that person, not necessarily thinking about that person, but reflecting the meaning of impermanence from the very small piece of the meaning of impermanence, to the vast, vastness understanding of the impermanence.

And I think developing the strength and the understanding of the impermanence over the time, that length and the capacity and the profound understanding about the meaning of impermanence. Once you expand and improve that understanding with much more greater clarity, and I’m sure that any person can be forgotten instantly, not an issue.

But you cannot forget just because I told you to think about impermanent. It cannot be an overnight effect. You know, that meaning of impermanence has to reflect into something that does not matter to you much. Like an example, leaves have fallen down on the grass, the sun has risen, the sun is setting, the cloud is moving left to right. Something that is meaningless to you, but still there is the reality of movement, and then you reflect yourself with the meaning of impermanence “this is all impermanence”, you know, you meditate.

And then as you, how you relate to the meaning of impermanence becomes more profound and greater and more vast, and then the things that you hold so much in your mind, can be dissolved eventually. So that’s that.


Kalu Rinpoche
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