You must always make a prayer and practice based on, without doubt, without doubtful. Of course, you should have many doubts as possible in the beginning, but not during the practice. When you commence with your practice, when you start with your practice, then doubt is not the place to be.
You can have many doubts. Like an example, “What Kalu Rinpoche might be doing? What’s going on in his personal life? Where he’s travelling? Does he do retreat? Does he do practice? Does he live here?” You know, you can have many doubts, you can have many questions, there’s no problem. You can have negative view about me, you can have positive view about me, there’s no limit.
But when you start the practice, then the doubt is no longer useful. You can have doubt any time you want. Many Buddhist people nowadays, when they come to Vajrayana Buddhism, they think that “Oh, the moment that I become a Buddhist practitioner, I cannot have any doubt because I have my guru.” Yeah, but you have to reach to that quality first. Nobody automatically becomes in that state, something, somehow, miracly. Doesn’t happen. We have to start with doubt, doubtfulness, lot of uncertainty, you have to start. And then slowly, slowly, as we progress with our practice, and then less doubt within the practice should implement.
So in ordinary life, you can still have doubt. There’s no problem with that. I have my doubt with my guru, I speak with him, he clears my doubt. I don’t keep my doubt with me. So it’s like that. But if you keep the, if you think about the doubt little bit like the religious practice, or religious mentality, then you’re wrong. Very simple. You have a doubt, you speak. If you don’t speak, your guru is not going to read your mind. So you have a doubt, you speak, you talk, explain, and communicate. Simple as that.
But many people, I see some group of people, when they become Buddhist, they say “I cannot have doubt to my Lama, I cannot have a doubt to my guru”. Even you are human being. I’m not trying to make modern here. You look at the Milarepa history; he was with Marpa for many years, until he was old age, almost. And then, he had lots of doubts. And yet, built a nine-floor building by himself. We didn’t build anything like that, so we have much more space to have doubt. Milarepa, he built a nine-floor building for Marpa Lotsawa by himself, single handedly, yet he had lots of doubts. Even after that.
So of course all of us, we can have doubt. But when you are doing practice, like if you are doing Shamatha, visualization practice, don’t have doubt at that time. Try to analyze, try to ask question, anything as possible, before that. But during the practice, try to have less doubt as much as possible.
Kyabje Kalu Rinpoche
The vajra song that introduces one’s own mind as the spiritual master (Shangpa Gurtso – Kyergangpa Chökyi Sengé)
Palden Shangpa La Boulaye – August 29, 2020