Jan 20

Kalu Rinpoche | How to React to Backbites

Q: How one can control anger from people who always backbites?

A: Well, I think I have faced this one many times. These people who are trying to harm you and disturb you is because they don’t want to value you, and they want to outcast you, they want to push you in the corner. And how you react to that is how you stand in your own value.

If you stand in the value the way they want you to react, and then you are finished before you even start. So, therefore, and how to react in all this betrayal, I think, don’t waste your time on these people and what their concerns are.

They have never given a damn about you. So that’s why they disrespect you. And it doesn’t mean that you have to disrespect them back. It doesn’t mean that you have to be angry. The greatest punishment that is much more better than showing anger is that you show your improvement. And when you make your own improvement and then they cannot bear it but criticize about you. So I think the most important is that you do not respond with anger.

Because the anger emotion is very useless. Temporarily it is helpful, seem like helpful, seems like you have won something over your argument or discussion. But in long term, the emotion of anger is completely useless.

You speak to your partner, to your family with anger, it doesn’t work. And then if you speak with the anger to your enemy, obviously it doesn’t work. So the anger has to be seen as a useless emotion. And yet at the same time, you should not be comfortable, ‘Oh, now I’m very successful because I did not respond with my anger.

You don’t have to do that. You just say that ‘Okay. I did not respond with my anger. But at the same time, I will have my spiritual growth and improvement and much stronger and better than before, ever than before’, and making a self-encouragement with the sense of humbleness, and distinguishing from self-complimentary.

Some people they like to make a self-complimentary and without making any progress. So I’m not saying that you should compliment yourself and be comfortable with that. Compliment yourself. Encourage yourself, but yet at the same time, push it forward. Make greater improvement.

So stretch your encouragement to others. Stretch your love and your happiness, your arms and your dedication to others and let the results speak by itself and that’s the best solution that you can fight back, and also to protect yourself.


With love and respect from Kalu Rinpoche
Live Q&A 10th Nov. 2019